“Often in life, the most important question we can ask ourselves is: do we really have the problem we think we have?” ~Sheri Fink
Years ago, I saw this quote on a Chipotle bag.Yes, really a Chipotle bag. LOL. It was so powerful, I decided to keep it. But, to be clean I made a copy of the bag before I tossed it out so I could just keep the quote. First it hung on my desk at work. When I quit my job, I moved it to hang on my fridge.
This quote literally stopped me in my tracks a week ago. I was in the pit of a major breakdown and then I saw this quote on my fridge. Thank GOD I saw this quote. In that moment this quote wasn’t just decoration hanging on my fridge it was a ladder handing down into a pit of sorrow I was stuck in.
In the days after that experience, I came across an incomplete draft I initially created a year ago. Once I read it, I knew it was time to share it with you guys. I don’t want anyone to be like me and waste years of growth and advancement thinking that most of my problems are because of other people.
So, you think you’re invisible or under-appreciated, what are you going to do about it?
Perhaps you’re misunderstood or disliked, how are you going to clarify the situation?
Maybe you can’t seem to get on the same page with someone, are you willing to end the relationship or drastically change the dynamic of it for the sake of your sanity or emotional health?
It took me quite a long time to realize that in regard to every single negative experience I’ve had as an adult, that I was as much at fault as the person that hurt me. I played a part in the failed 4 year relationship even if I ended it because he lacked ambition. He lacked ambition the entire time, I just thought that he would somehow change or grow into a higher level of ambition that would match mine. I played a part in every friendship that ended in an emotional argument because my friend wasn’t growing through and learning from her unhealthy relationship. I could have been a better friend by understanding her current trouble instead of merely encouraging her to see her potential future happiness with “someone who is on her level.” I could have even avoided years of non-existent relationships with family members, if I had just loved them the way they wanted to be loved and not the way I wanted to love them.
I say this to say, as a friendly reminder, that we are connected in some way to the problems we have. The problems don’t manifest themselves out of thin air. Yes, they can be created by another person. But who allowed that person into our life? Who determined that we would be emotionally or physically safe around this person? Or rather, who failed to make that determination before we put ourselves into a position to be hurt.
I’m not saying that every bad thing that happens is our fault. But it is our chance to learn. It is our opportunity to evaluate how we ended up in that situation and determine what has to happen so we don’t end up there again. You may think that I’m over analyzing this, but give it a shot the next time something happens. Ask yourself the questions above. Answer them truthfully. Then commit the answer to the memory of your soul and see what happens in the future. I guarantee that you won’t be hurt in the same way, or the relationship won’t disintegrate so quickly, or you won’t lose precious time with someone you care about over something trivial.