I watched happiness inducing videos on YouTube last night until I could fall asleep happy. I needed to shift my energy. The day started off relatively well but then, at the end, I fell into a deep dark pit of sadness. LORD. It was bad. It snuck up on me like a Mike Tyson punch to the body. I was crying and snotting all over the place but I wasn’t going down without a fight.
The good news about internal fights though is that my mind created them and my mind can end them. I wasn’t going to let this fight quietly rage within me. The more I tried not to discuss my true feelings with Stedman* the stronger they seemed to get. So, after a long and uncomfortably honest conversation, I decided to take Stedman’s advice and go to sleep. I showered and felt a little better. Then I watched silly videos of babies trying new foods and animals doing sweet things. Then I put on a sleep meditation and I was out.
Now that I’m on the other side of it, I see all the signs. I have been walking around that pit I eventually fell in for over a week! The first sign was that I literally went 1 week without putting away my laundry. That may not seem crazy to you, but I don’t even have to do my laundry. I drop it off at the laundry mat. I pay to have it washed, dried, and folded. My only job is to drop it off, pick it up, and put it away. It literally takes me 45 minutes to “do my laundry”. This time it took me a week!
Another thing…I live in a small apartment which I try to keep pretty clean. Because it’s small it’s rather easy to keep it clean. But at the same time, it’s hella important to keep it clean because it’s so damn small. When Stedman was here last night, I noticed he kept saying something like “Get some sleep, wake up early, and clean up while you clear your head.” I heard him say clean up like 3 times. I even looked around and said “Why do you keep saying that? My place isn’t messy like that.” HA! That was a boldface lie. I lied straight to myself. I woke up this morning to see that my place definitely needs some TLC cleaning.
I had let the symbols of lack of accomplishment linger around me for over a week. No wonder, when Stedman* asked me a few kind but targeted questions I fell right into the pit of sorrow that had developed over the past week. The worst part of all of this is that it only took 5 minutes to put away my clothes and about 15 minutes to clean up. That’s it! It’s so annoying that it was so easy to fix. I was immediately feeling better and accomplished. So…yea…I hope you can learn from my mistakes. I’m done letting the signs of sorrow build up around me; especially now that I know what they look like.
I teach and coach because what I’ve learned has save and changed my life. It has been so amazing that I want to make sure that other lives can be saved. I especially love writing and coaching because they give me the chance to organize the lessons I’ve learned. Once these lessons are organized I can share them with other people and use them as a reminder reference for myself. I coach, not because I’m perfect and I know something special. I coach, because I’m not perfect but I’ve learned to be better and I don’t want anyone else to suffer in silence.
So, here are the things I’m going to do so I can stay ahead of my ups and downs. I’m writing them out for myself and anyone else out there struggling with living a balanced mentally healthy happy life.
Know the signs of my ups and downs. It’s important to make the down periods as short as possible. I’ve noticed that When I don’t speak on them and try to ignore them, they only grow. It’s become very clear to me that I have to stay ahead of the bad voices in my mind. If I uproot them like the weeds that they are, they won’t take over the beautiful flower I’m blossoming into. I’m so glad I now see the signs of things that mean I’m not being the best version of myself. I’m sure that knowing these signs will not only keep me balanced in the short term but it will keep me out of the pits of sadness in the future.
2. Remind myself that there is no defined path to happiness. I have to do what truly feels good in your soul every day at all times. For over a year now, I’ve been living 100% in control of my time. It hasn’t been a smooth process but it’s been a powerfully rewarding process. I have to remember that in order to have some amazingly wonderful reason to get out of bed each day, I have to create it.
3. It is perfectly acceptable to do anything and everything it takes to redirect my energy. My happiness is my number one concern. If that means I have to watch stupid videos online, silly movies I’ve seen millions of times, or cackle with friends like old ladies, I’m going to do it. And so should you.
Stay strong out there people. The fight is hard but we can make it. Your life is worth living. The world is better with you in it. Give yourself the chance to enjoy life.
*Stedman is my public nickname for my long-term boyfriend. I believe in protecting the innocent people involved in my self-awareness journey.